Hospital Bloopers

(A friend sent me these recently)

I particularly like number six and number twenty-three. Enjoy!


>1. The patient refused autopsy.
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>2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
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>3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
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>4. Note: patient here-recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.
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>5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
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>6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
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>7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
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>8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
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>9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
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>10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
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>11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
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>12. She is numb from her toes down.
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>13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
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>14. The skin was moist and dry.
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>15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
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>16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
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>17.Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
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>18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
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>19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
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>20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
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>21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
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>22. Skin: somewhat pale but present
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>23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
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